the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
