She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
