saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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