haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
