I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
