What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
