Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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