Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
