We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize