Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
