why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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