i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you never un-have a 4some
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
