She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
