the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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