dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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