He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
