I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
