U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
