there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
