I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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