i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
