lets start a swedish sibling band together
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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