His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
