Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
