I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
