Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
