ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
