shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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