Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
