No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
