sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
