I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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