so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
