Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
