so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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