pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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