Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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