Best friends brother. Beat that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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