i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
