the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
