You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
