the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
