I checked into jail on foursquare
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
