Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
