How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
