I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She needs sedatives and a leash
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
