dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
