Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize