My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
