Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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