the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
