Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the raccoons are back...
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