# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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