Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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