Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
