her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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