My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
