omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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