Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
