what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
