he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
