i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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