I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
