It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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