I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
