Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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