Small penises have feelings too.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
