Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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