i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
