Quick, to the slutcave!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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