Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
