Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
