he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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