Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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