so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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