He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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