I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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