White coat. Heels.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the condom got lost in my hair
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
