He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
