Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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