I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
